Joke: The guy next to me on the train pointed to a photograph and said "This is my girlfriend, isn't she beautiful?" "If you think she is beautiful, you should see my wife," says I. "Why is she stunning?" "No, she's an optician!"
Joke: As you get older, you've gotta stay positive. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, "Wow, that's the fastest I've moved in years."
Joke: Grandpa, what are you doing on the porch with no pants on? Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
Joke: This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.
Joke: Pat is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder. When he is stopped at customs they fin that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Pat said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Mick and he told me he was starting a Jazz band and could I bring him two saxophones."
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