The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: 6:30 is hands down the best time on any clock.
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Joke: A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
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Joke: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
Punch Line
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Joke: Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?
Punch Line
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Joke: A wise man once told his wife nothing, because he was a wise man.
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Joke: Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?
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Joke: I asked my granddaughter to fetch me a newspaper. She laughed and said, "Grandpa you are so old, just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall and killed that annoying fly.
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Joke: What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?
Punch Line
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Joke: What was the goal of the detective duck?
Punch Line
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Joke: A biker was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: Because you have tried to be faithful to me and always, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. The Lord said your request is materialistic. Think of all the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, when she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, when she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, “ do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
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Joke: Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?
Punch Line
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Joke: I got in touch with my inner self today... That's the last time I buy 1-ply toilet paper at the dollar store.
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Joke: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
Punch Line
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Joke: What do you call a thieving alligator?
Punch Line
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Joke: My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"
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Joke: What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Punch Line
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Joke: If two vegans get into an argument... is it still considered a beef?
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Joke: Where does Dad keep his Dad jokes?
Punch Line
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Joke: If you ever receive an email titled "Ding Dong", do not open it. It's a Jehovahs Witness working from home.
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Joke: What do runners do when they forget something?
Punch Line
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Joke: How do you make a tree-stand?
Punch Line
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Joke: Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
Punch Line
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Joke: We all know that mirrors don't lie... I'm just grateful they don't laugh!
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Joke: When chemists die, they barium.
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Joke: What is a monster's favorite dessert?
Punch Line
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Joke: A big nose is not an excuse to not wear a mask! I mean, I still wear underwear!
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Joke: Why do tigers have stripes?
Punch Line
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Joke: What does a clock do when it gets hungry?
Punch Line
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Joke: Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
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Joke: My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.
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