The Joker

Question 1

Moving Fast

As you get older, you've gotta stay positive. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, "Wow, that's the fastest I've moved in years."

Question 2

Stealing A Thesaurus Joke

I was accused of stealing a thesaurus. I was not only shocked but appalled, aghast, and dismayed.

Question 3

Grandpa's Pants

Grandpa, what are you doing on the porch with no pants on? Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.

Question 4

Congress Or Baboon's Joke

A group of baboons is called a congress. (that is the joke)

Question 5

Bear Paw Pun

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The bear says "I'll have a rum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, " What can I say, I was born with 'em."

Question 6

Hokey Pokey

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

Question 7

Hollywood Movie Joke

Hollywood has been making a movie about constipation for years but they aren't sure if it will ever come out.

Question 8

Guitar Pun

A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."

Question 9

Farmer Bury Money Joke

Why did the farmer bury his money?

Question 10

I Got Hit By A Car.

A man call his wife, "I got hit by a car outside the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been doing tests and taking x-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, compound fracture in my left leg and, they may have to amputate my right leg." Wife's response, "Who's Tina?!?!"

Question 11

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

Question 12

Sick Lemon Joke

What do you give a sick lemon?

Question 13

Flamingo Pun

My friend keeps telling me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I guess I'm just going to have to put my foot down.

Question 14

Wife Bra

I almost tripped over my wife’s bra the other day... I'm sure it was a booby trap.

Question 15

A Women Pleasure

Husband asked his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?" Wife, "Because I don't like calling you when you're at work."

Question 16

Police Interview Joke

The police asked where I was between 5 and 6.. so I told them nursery school.

Question 17

Cold Painter Joke

What does the painter do when he gets cold?

Question 18

Get A Mouse To Smile Joke

How do you get a mouse to smile?

Question 19

A Duck Chap Stick Pun

A duck goes into a store and asks if they have any ChapStick. They told him they had plenty for sale so he replied "great can you put it on my bill for me"

Question 20

Scarecrow Noble Prize Joke

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

Question 21

Horse Injury Pun

A horse got hurt but he is doing fine and in fact, he is back in stable condition.

Question 22

Hospital Joke

What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

Question 23

Canned Meat Joke

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!

Question 24

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Question 25

Sacks Are Full Of Phones Joke

Pat is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder. When he is stopped at customs they fin that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Pat said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Mick and he told me he was starting a Jazz band and could I bring him two saxophones."

Question 26

Three Moles Pun

Three moles had been burrowing underground when the first one says "did you smell something sweet, it smelled like candy?' The second one said he smelled something sweet but it was more like honey. The one at the back of the line told them "I smelled something but it didn't smell sweet, it smelled like mole asses!"

Question 27

Girlfriends Eyebrows Joke

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!

Question 28

Never Tell A Lie Joke

A kid keeps lying to his father so the dad buys a lie detector robot who will slap him if he tells a lie. The next morning the father asks his son where he was the night before. "I was at Joeys house doing my homework" The robot slaps him. His dad says that was a lie and asks what was he really doing. The kid says "we were watching Toy Story" and he gets slapped again. When he asks again what were you really doing, the kid admits they were watching porn. "See when you tell the truth you won't get slapped". The dad then says "when we were kids we didn't even have porn" The robot then slaps the father. The mom laughs and says" well he is you kid after all". So the robot slaps the mom.

Question 29

Cheap Circumcision

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

Question 30

Teddy Bear Dessert

Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?

The Joker

Moving Fast

Stealing A Thesaurus Joke

Grandpa's Pants

Congress Or Baboon's Joke

Bear Paw Pun

Hokey Pokey

Hollywood Movie Joke

Guitar Pun

Farmer Bury Money Joke

I Got Hit By A Car.

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

Sick Lemon Joke

Flamingo Pun

Wife Bra

A Women Pleasure

Police Interview Joke

Cold Painter Joke

Get A Mouse To Smile Joke

A Duck Chap Stick Pun

Scarecrow Noble Prize Joke

Horse Injury Pun

Hospital Joke

Canned Meat Joke

Going Deaf Joke

Sacks Are Full Of Phones Joke

Three Moles Pun

Girlfriends Eyebrows Joke

Never Tell A Lie Joke

Cheap Circumcision

Teddy Bear Dessert

Joke Categories

SHARE THIS?

Newsletter

Contributors