The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: I almost tripped over my wife’s bra the other day... I'm sure it was a booby trap.
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Joke: Husband asked his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?" Wife, "Because I don't like calling you when you're at work."
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Joke: What does the painter do when he gets cold?
Punch Line
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Joke: A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt. The man says "I'll take a beer ...and one for the road"
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Joke: So a hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it now.
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Joke: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Punch Line
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Joke: If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
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Joke: The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.
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Joke: Saturday and Sunday's are the strongest days... all the rest are weak days!
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Joke: My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.
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Joke: Pat is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder. When he is stopped at customs they fin that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Pat said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Mick and he told me he was starting a Jazz band and could I bring him two saxophones."
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Joke: I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!
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Joke: 6:30 is hands down the best time on any clock.
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Joke: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
Punch Line
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Joke: Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?
Punch Line
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Joke: A wise man once told his wife nothing, because he was a wise man.
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Joke: Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?
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Joke: What does your wife and a hand grenade have in common?
Punch Line
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Joke: I asked my granddaughter to fetch me a newspaper. She laughed and said, "Grandpa you are so old, just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall and killed that annoying fly.
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Joke: What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?
Punch Line
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Joke: What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
Punch Line
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Joke: What was the goal of the detective duck?
Punch Line
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Joke: A biker was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: Because you have tried to be faithful to me and always, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. The Lord said your request is materialistic. Think of all the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, when she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, when she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, “ do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
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Joke: Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?
Punch Line
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Joke: I got in touch with my inner self today... That's the last time I buy 1-ply toilet paper at the dollar store.
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Joke: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
Punch Line
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Joke: I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.
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Joke: What do you call a thieving alligator?
Punch Line
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Joke: So, I got pulled over in the carpool lane the other day. When the officer asked where my passenger was. I told him due to social distancing, he was in the car behind me.
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Joke: What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Punch Line
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