The Joker

Question 1

Mark The Hunter

Mark was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Mark decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Mark. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Mark soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Mark. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Mark thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Mark. Although he survived, it took several months before Mark fully recovered. Now Mark was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it, Mark, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?

Question 2

Dirty Cockroach

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed down everything and cleaned thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Question 3

Flower Ride Its Bike Joke

Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?

Question 4

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain... God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Question 5

No House Numbers Joke

If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!

Question 6

People Who Never Get Angry Joke

What kind of people never get angry?

Question 7

Troubles To Bed

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.

Question 8

Time Travel Joke

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke ...but you guys didn't like it.

Question 9

An Elderly Couple Driving Across The Country Joke

Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" Selma, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" Morty yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" Selma turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?" Morty yelled, "He wants to see your license!" Selma gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from New York. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I've ever met." Selma turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" Morty yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!"

Question 10

Stunning Girlfriend Joke

The guy next to me on the train pointed to a photograph and said "This is my girlfriend, isn't she beautiful?" "If you think she is beautiful, you should see my wife," says I. "Why is she stunning?" "No, she's an optician!"

Question 11

Fake Noodle Joke

What do you call a fake noodle?

Question 12

Potato Head Joke

No matter how bad your life is, just remember... There are people out there worried about the gender of a plastic potato.

Question 13

An Old Cowboy Bar Joke

An old cowboy goes into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replies, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She says, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A little while later, a couple sits down next to the old cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy? "He replies, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Question 14

Milkless Cow

If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an utter failure?

Question 15

Cross-Eyed Girl Joke

I dated a crosseyed girl but I just knew she was seeing someone on the side.

Question 16

Cow Toe Joke

Why do cows have hooves?

Question 17

Drinking Wine Joke

Put a glass of wine in each room of your house and call it a wine tour.

Question 18

Why Did The Thief Wear Blue Gloves?

Why did the thief wear blue gloves?

Question 19

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.

Question 20

Someone Called My Phone Today, Sneezed, And Then Hung Up Joke

Someone called my phone today, sneezed, and then hung up.

Question 21

Lose Weight Joke

I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep.

Question 22

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!

Question 23

Moving Fast

As you get older, you've gotta stay positive. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, "Wow, that's the fastest I've moved in years."

Question 24

Grandpa's Pants

Grandpa, what are you doing on the porch with no pants on? Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.

Question 25

Congress Or Baboon's Joke

A group of baboons is called a congress. (that is the joke)

Question 26

Trying New Positions

Wife, "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Husband, "Excellent idea!" Wife, "Ok, you stand at the sink and wash the dishes and I'll be on the couch and watching tv."

Question 27

Hokey Pokey

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

Question 28

Hollywood Movie Joke

Hollywood has been making a movie about constipation for years but they aren't sure if it will ever come out.

Question 29

I Got Hit By A Car.

A man call his wife, "I got hit by a car outside the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been doing tests and taking x-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, compound fracture in my left leg and, they may have to amputate my right leg." Wife's response, "Who's Tina?!?!"

Question 30

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

The Joker

Mark The Hunter

Dirty Cockroach

Flower Ride Its Bike Joke

Stupid And Beautiful

No House Numbers Joke

People Who Never Get Angry Joke

Troubles To Bed

Time Travel Joke

An Elderly Couple Driving Across The Country Joke

Stunning Girlfriend Joke

Fake Noodle Joke

Potato Head Joke

An Old Cowboy Bar Joke

Milkless Cow

Cross-Eyed Girl Joke

Cow Toe Joke

Drinking Wine Joke

Why Did The Thief Wear Blue Gloves?

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

Someone Called My Phone Today, Sneezed, And Then Hung Up Joke

Lose Weight Joke

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

Moving Fast

Grandpa's Pants

Congress Or Baboon's Joke

Trying New Positions

Hokey Pokey

Hollywood Movie Joke

I Got Hit By A Car.

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

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