USER JOKES INDEX

There were two men working for the city council. One would dig and dig and dig until a deep hole in the ground appeared. The other would come behind him and fill the hole with piles of dirt. The two men worked furiously: one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching the pair from the footpath but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask. He said to the hole digger: “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!” The hole digger replied: “Oh yeah, it must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

Singing in the shower is all fun and game until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

I'm pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I'll have the whole set.

I spent twenty minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I've decided to give up! I wished I had never put it on now.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... So, she hugged me.

I asked my wife why she married me. She said, "Because you are funny." I said, "I thought it was because I was good in bed." She said, "See? You are hilarious!"

I was shopping in a large pharmacy and asked one of the wandering assistants, "Excuse me, where can I find a pregnancy test?" "No problem," he said. "They're right beside the condoms." I said, "Id I knew where the condoms were I wouldn't need a pregnancy test."

Why did Beethoven get rid of all his chickens?