I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.
Where do football players go to get a new uniform?
New Jersey.
Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!
Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.
What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?
Because he was married.
A man runs into the doctor's office screaming that he is shrinking. The doc says, "Calm down you just need to be a little patient."
