Mummy, mummy. There's a man at the door with a bill.
Don't be silly dear, it's probably just a duck with a hat on.
Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
Because he has green thumbs!
What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?
Sea kelp.
A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?
None of them, because you can't get a banana from a coconut tree.
Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine? Husband: You've never been really skinny.
Time of death: 5/4/2020 4:30 PM. Cause of death: Coronavirus
I need to re-home a dog. It's small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over the neighbor's fence and get it for you.
They said mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.
They lied, everyone else had clothes on.
Today I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it.
It took longer than I thought it would.
