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Bono and Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says,"Not U2 again."
Why are sandals so indecisive?
They always flip-flop back and forth.
Why did the vegetable call a plumber?
There was a leek.
How do you get a farm girls attention?
I was accused of stealing a thesaurus. I was not only shocked but appalled, aghast, and dismayed.
What do you call dogs that rarely bark?
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the School?
It was no big deal, he woke up.
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything ok, pal? the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she isn't talking to me for a month!" Trying to put a positive spin on things the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?" The guy replies, "Yeah, but today is the last day!"
My friend has a trophy wife... Apparently, he didn't get first place.
I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles accidentally... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.