The Joker

Joke Count: 1229

Can't Fart Joke

I'd tell you a fart joke... But I've run out of gas.

A Mexican Magician Joke

A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of 3. He said uno, dos, and poof he disappeared without a tres!

Cat Vs Comma Joke

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

Pirates Birthday

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Do You Think You're Stupid?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psycology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid stand up!" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Wife's Birthday?

My wife said I ruined her birthday! That's ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her Birthday?

Addicted To Seaweed Joke

What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?

Computer Hero Joke

What do you call a computer hero?

Horses Vs Cars Joke

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.

Winter Is Coming

We're expecting such a cold winter, the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far, 3 of my relatives have disappeared.

Snow Men Vs Snow Women Joke

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Where Does Poo Come From?

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked at me a little perplexed and stared at me in silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

Yo Momma So Ugly...

Yo momma so ugly, the whole world faked a virus just to make her wear a mask!

Calendar Factory Joke

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I should have never taken a couple days off.

Never Trust Atoms

Why should you never trust Atoms?

Make Yourself At Home

When I go to someone else's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

Diet Donuts

I ate a donut without sprinkles... Diets are so hard!

Hamberger's Girlfriend

How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Ghost Day Car Joke

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Roman Numerals

A Roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, "five beers, please."

Hearing Aid Joke

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair... I've heard nothing since.

Pencil Pun

Broken pencils are pointless.

I Just Ate A Bunch Of Scrabble Tiles Joke

I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles accidentally... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Day 9 - Social Distancing

Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems he's a web designer.

104 Years Old

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked... She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Don't Drink And Ride

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself, "What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break". So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.

Fly Spray

Bought a can of fly spray. Sprayed it all over me. I still can't fly.

Dear Santa Joke

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year.

Begger

A man at the gas station asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. So, I gave him my electric bill.

Psychic Joke

The other day I went to see a psychic. When I knocked on the door she shouted, "Who's there?" So I left.

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