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My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...it Taurus apart.
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.
My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.
Did you hear about the Super Hero with a lisp that always works out?
He’s Thor.
Would February March?
No, but April May.
I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said Narnia business.
I just removed all the German contacts from my cell phone. It's now Hans free!
I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.
I just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee does not include a driver. Can't believe I spend all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. That's when I know we weren't going to work out.
