USER JOKES INDEX

Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetive state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged my computer and threw away my wine! The little ingrates.

A pirate goes to the doctor's and says, "I have moles on my back!" The Doctor: "It’s ok, they're benign." Pirate: "Count again! I think there be ten!"

I told my son he couldn't watch the orchestra anymore and he asked why? Because there's too much sax and violins!

Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.

My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...it Taurus apart.

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.

Did you hear about the Super Hero with a lisp that always works out?

Would February March? No, but April May.

I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said Narnia business.