My wife just stopped and said, "You weren't listening were you?" I thought, "That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

Did you know that fourteen muscles are activated when you open a bottle of wine? Fitness is my passion.

You only need two tools in life... WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40... If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape.

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

Trying to hold on to a thought.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?

Because she can't find the 10

Did you hear about the stupid blonde?

She got hit by a parked car.

What did the blonde teacher do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

She turned it over and used the other side.

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?

She peed on her corn flakes.

USER JOKES INDEX