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What stays in one corner but goes all over the US?
A stamp.
Where did George Washington get his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.
What do you get if you cross Star Wars and a Pirate?
Aaaarr2-D2!
Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
I have a chicken-proof lawn... It's impeckable!
Seven days without a taco makes Juan weak!
We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
I keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet... It reminds me of why there is no money there!
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.
