Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!
A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday... At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?" The wife asks, "How does he know you?" Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the bartender says, "The usual, Jim?" Jim says to his wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team." Next, a stripper says, "Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?" The wife storms out dragon Jim with her and jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, you picked up an ugly one this time!..." Jim's funeral is Sunday!
Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the crap out of them until the light comes on!
Two blonds are trying to unlock their car. The first blond tries to unlock it with a coat hanger. The second blond says, "Hurry up it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
What did one light say to the other light?
I like you a watt!
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"
Yo mama so fat, she blocked the Suez Canal!
