I was going to tell a time-traveling joke ...but you guys didn't like it.
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!
You hear what the elephant said to the naked man?
He said, "How do you breathe through something so small?"
September 22nd is National Elephant Appreciation Day.
Why was the picture frame sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What kind of people never get angry?
Nomads!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
A towel.
My earliest childhood memory was getting my first pair of glasses... Life before that was a blur.
A pig walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. It drinks it, then asks where the bathroom is. The bartender points him in the right direction and pays no more attention to the pig. Another pig walks into the bar, orders two glasses of water. He drinks them and asks where the bathroom is. The bartender points him in the right direction and then turns his attention back to his work. A third pig walks in, orders five glasses of water, and drinks them all down. He gets up to leave and says goodbye to the bartender. "Wait," says the bartender, curious, "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?" "Nope," says the pig, "I'm the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
