Why was the picture frame sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What kind of people never get angry?
Nomads!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
A towel.
My earliest childhood memory was getting my first pair of glasses... Life before that was a blur.
A pig walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. It drinks it, then asks where the bathroom is. The bartender points him in the right direction and pays no more attention to the pig. Another pig walks into the bar, orders two glasses of water. He drinks them and asks where the bathroom is. The bartender points him in the right direction and then turns his attention back to his work. A third pig walks in, orders five glasses of water, and drinks them all down. He gets up to leave and says goodbye to the bartender. "Wait," says the bartender, curious, "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?" "Nope," says the pig, "I'm the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
I heard some guys talking about you yesterday. One said that you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stuck up for you; I said you were!
What do you call a tree that does science experiments?
Chemistree.
Why is "dark" spelled with a "K" and not a "C"?
Because you can’t "C" in the dark!
