Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
It's always 90 degrees.
What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Why were the two science books holding hands?
They had chemistry.
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.
Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?
Because he needed tweatment!
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!
Bubba and Johnny Ray were sitting on the from porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna to that when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do What?" asked Johnny Ray. "Send my grass out to be mowed!"
A 65 year old millionaire has married a beautiful 23 old model, You crafty old devil, says his friend, How did you manage to get a lovely wife like that? Easy, replies the millionaire, I told her I was 95...
