What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine's Day?
Cauliflowers!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Owl always love you!
Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side", I replied.
Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
It couldn't get a date.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
Because you can't find 3 wise men or a Virgin!
After dying in a car crash, three friends went to Heaven for an orientation session. They were all asked the same question: When you were in your casket and your family and friends were mourning over you, what would you like to hear when they talk about you? The first guy responded: "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great family man." The second guy said: "I would love to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow" Then the third guy thought for a while and then replied: "I guess I'd like to hear them say: 'Look.. he's moving"
