If you had to choose between eating tacos everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life - would you choose hard or soft tacos?
I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas without getting sick?
Jerry Can.
It turns out that when you're asked who your favorite child is, you're expected to pick from you own. I know that now.
I'm giving up drinking until this is over...
Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Drinking until this is over.
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We'd better perk up of people will think we're nuts!
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.
What did they give Tickle-Me-Elmo before he left the factory?
Two test tickles.
