At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.
Picked up a hitchhiker. Seemed like a nice guy. After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killer being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...
It's called menopause for a reason. Men should pause before they speak.
Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.
You know when it's time to cut back on you're wine intake when your doctor tells you, "Your blood type is Chardonn-A positive."
Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds!
A blonde thinking to herself, "If it wasn't for the man who discovered electricity, we'd all be watching TV by candlelight."
The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 2.2 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon!
