Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia, and learned that if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.

A neighbor suggested I put manure on my strawberries. Tasted horrible! I'm sticking with whipped cream!

This was a terrible day. First my ex-wife got hit by a bus. Then, I lost my job as a bus driver.

Guys I need your help... I'm in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I'm right. What the hell do I do next?!

Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Mummy, mummy. There's a man at the door with a bill.

Don't be silly dear, it's probably just a duck with a hat on.

Why is Yoda such a good gardener?

Because he has green thumbs!

What follows a dog where ever it goes?

It's tail.

What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?

Sea kelp.

A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?

None of them, because you can't get a banana from a coconut tree.

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