A husband and wife are at the grocery store. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" He says, "The beer is on sale, 24 cans for $10." She says, "We can't afford that so put it back!" A few isles later the wife puts a $20 tube of face cream in the cart. The husband asks, "What is that for?" The wife says, "It makes my face pretty." The husband replies, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"

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You said you were sick... No, I said I had a case of Corona.

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Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.

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I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

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My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked at me a little perplexed and stared at me in silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

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Some People aren't shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper!

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You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?

He'll tell you!

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Grandma and grandpa where watching healing service on TV. The Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put on hand on the TV and the other hand on a body part that wanted healing. Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private parts. Grandma looked at him and says... "Dear, I guess you just don't get it do you? The purpose is to heal the sick NOT to raise the dead"!

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You might be a redneck if?

Your face mask is made up of coffee filters and duct tape.

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What's the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead dog in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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