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Hey, did you hear about the actress Reese... something, who commited suicide?

Reese Witherspoon? No, with her knife!

I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me I have a split personality and charged me $160.

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

Why should you never trust Atoms?

Because they make up everything!

Why did the dad cross the road?

To find out the punchline to why the chicken crossed the road.

What do you call a fish without eyes?

Fsh.

What sleep's with its shoes on?

A horse.

Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold.

My mind is exceptionally quiet... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.

I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's

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