USER JOKES INDEX

My mind is exceptionally quiet... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.

I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's

Cop: "You were going really fast". Me: "I was just trying to keep up with traffic". Cop: "There isn't any traffic". Me: "I know! That's how far behind I am".

I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".

1) If COVID-19 doesn't take you out can I?
2) Is that hand sanitized in you pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft. of me?
3) Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.
4) You can't spell virus without U and I.
5) Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because, I can be your Prince Charmin.
6) I saw you from across the bar. Stay there.
7) Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf.
8) Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink?
9) You can't spell quarantine without "U R A Q T".
10) I really can't stay.
11) Baby it's COVID-19 outside.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

How does Moses make his coffee?

I broke my finger last week. . .

Why do cows wear bells?

I grew up poor, you think I'm scared of limited food & a two week lock in? We called that "the end of the month" growing up.