Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The devil shows up in a church and everyone runs out but an old man. The devil says, "Why don't you run, aren't you afraid of me?" The old man replies, "Nope, I'm married to your sister!"
Even on Gilligan's Island they listened to the professor not the 'millionaire'.
An Epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist walk into a bar...
Just kidding, they know better.
How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
Meat Patty.
Me: Please bring me a screwdriver. Wife: Flat head, Phillips or Vodka? And that is when I knew she was the one!
I saw this guy at Starbucks. No iPhone, no tablet, no computer. He just sat there drinking coffee... like a psychopath!
If a bird craps on your head, try to think positively. At least cows don't fly!
