I used to have a girlfriend who made her own booze. I knew the relationship wouldn’t last but I really miss her still.
I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.
Last night dreamt I was eating giant marshmallows. When I woke up this morning my pillows were gone.
What’s the difference between a liter of Coke and deer testicles?
A liter of Coke is a dollar and deer testicles are just under a buck.
I dated a crosseyed girl but I just knew she was seeing someone on the side.
The graveyard service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed and we're having a staff meeting.
I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.
