I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me I have a split personality and charged me $160.

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

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Why should you never trust Atoms?

Because they make up everything!

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Why did the dad cross the road?

To find out the punchline to why the chicken crossed the road.

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What do you call a fish without eyes?

Fsh.

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What sleep's with its shoes on?

A horse.

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Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.

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What can you catch but not throw?

A cold.

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My mind is exceptionally quiet... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.

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I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's

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Cop: "You were going really fast". Me: "I was just trying to keep up with traffic". Cop: "There isn't any traffic". Me: "I know! That's how far behind I am".

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