The police arrested two kids on the 4th of July, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. What did the police do?
They charged one kid and let the other one off.
What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.
I told my friend not to buy his shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with but he has been tripping all day.
An agnostic dyslexic insomniac must stay awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.
This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in cellophane. The doctor looks at the guy and says "well I can obviously see your nuts."
A lumberjack walks into the woods and goes to cut down a tree with his ax. The tree shout out "hey wait I'm a talking tree". The lumberjack responds "you may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue".
If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me
Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.
