USER JOKES INDEX

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!

Who can drink 5 gallons of gas without getting sick?

It turns out that when you're asked who your favorite child is, you're expected to pick from you own. I know that now.

I'm giving up drinking until this is over...

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.

What did they give Tickle-Me-Elmo before he left the factory?

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs $2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs $2.40. A chicken pie in St. Kitts cost $2.25... These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.