USER JOKES INDEX

An agnostic dyslexic insomniac must stay awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in cellophane. The doctor looks at the guy and says "well I can obviously see your nuts."

A lumberjack walks into the woods and goes to cut down a tree with his ax. The tree shout out "hey wait I'm a talking tree". The lumberjack responds "you may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue".

What did the beaver say when he swam into a wall? DAM!

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me

Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

I used to have a girlfriend who made her own booze. I knew the relationship wouldn’t last but I really miss her still.

I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.

Last night dreamt I was eating giant marshmallows. When I woke up this morning my pillows were gone.