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I dated a crosseyed girl but I just knew she was seeing someone on the side.
The graveyard service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed and we're having a staff meeting.
I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.
Picked up a hitchhiker. Seemed like a nice guy. After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killer being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...
It's called menopause for a reason. Men should pause before they speak.
