USER JOKES INDEX

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...

It's called menopause for a reason. Men should pause before they speak.

Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.

You know when it's time to cut back on you're wine intake when your doctor tells you, "Your blood type is Chardonn-A positive."

Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds!

A blonde thinking to herself, "If it wasn't for the man who discovered electricity, we'd all be watching TV by candlelight."

The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 2.2 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon!

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking.

In life, it is very important to know when to stop arguing with people and just let them be wrong!

I'll tell you why I can't lose weight... I've got metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.