USER JOKES INDEX

There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed and we're having a staff meeting.

I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

Picked up a hitchhiker. Seemed like a nice guy. After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killer being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...

It's called menopause for a reason. Men should pause before they speak.

Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.

You know when it's time to cut back on you're wine intake when your doctor tells you, "Your blood type is Chardonn-A positive."