USER JOKES INDEX

A snail gets mugged by a couple turtles and when the cops asked him for a description of the turtles he told them "I don't know, it all happened so fast"

A lady goes to her dermatologist and he tells her to take milk baths for her skin condition. She goes to the grocery store and when an employee asks her if she needs help she explains that she needs enough milk to take a bath. The employee asked her if she wants pasteurized and she replies "no up to my shoulders should be fine".

What did one hat say to the other hat?

A Native American goes to see a psychiatrist about some bad dreams he is having. The psychiatrist asks him to describe his nightmares and he said they are always about either wigwams or teepees. The doctor tells him he is obviously two tense.

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Leonardo da Vinci

A group of baboons is called a congress. (that is the joke)

This girl said she recognized me from some vegan restaurant but I knew I'd never met herbivore.

The police arrested two kids on the 4th of July, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. What did the police do?

What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.

I told my friend not to buy his shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with but he has been tripping all day.