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When chemists die, they barium.
What is a pirates favorite fast food place?
ARRRRRRRRRRBYYYYYYYYYYS.
I'm on the tequila diet. So far I've lost 2 days.
Laundry: Washing - 30 minutes, drying - 60 minutes, putting away - 7 to 10 business days.
Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it "Selective Participation".
Someone asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon.
A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
If you ever receive an email titled "Ding Dong", do not open it. It's a Jehovahs Witness working from home.
A duck a skunk and a deer when out to dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the ducks bill.
