A married man's honest confession... "I always read my wife's horoscope to see what kind of day I was going to have."
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "In Jesus Name, Amen"
I just released my own fragrance... Nobody in the car seemed to like it.
Son, "Dad, I'm considering a career in organized crime." Dad, "Government or private sector?"
An invisible man married an invisible woman. I'm not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids were nothing to look at either.
A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the hell..., I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.
What does a clock do when it gets hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
