President Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
South Carolina Representative # 1: That's what you said last time, dipshit!
South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you're a dick! South Carolina, what's up!
President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix everything.
Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho!
President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than any man alive. and Number 3: He's going to fix everything.
So you're smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger. - President Camacho
Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. Chill out. - President Camacho
Chill, Scro, you do a kick-ass job and you get a full pardon. - President Camacho
For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. - Frito
Singing leads to dancing, Dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don't sing in the shower!
The other day I went to see a psychic. When I knocked on the door she shouted, "Who's there?" So I left.
Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 30. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?....... "What..... You're coming empty handed?"
