USER JOKES INDEX

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father replied, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies of their own, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said. "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Some people won't admit their faults. I would if I had any.

"Mr. Smith, I reviewed your divorce cases very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And, I have decided to give your wife $7500 a month." "That's very fair your honor." the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

I just told my suitcase that we're not going on vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". There stupid.

Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.

Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. Paid my $2, then he says, "Once upon a time there was this lobster...".

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else wanted them. Set them free again.