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Son, "Dad, I'm considering a career in organized crime." Dad, "Government or private sector?"
An invisible man married an invisible woman. I'm not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids were nothing to look at either.
A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the hell..., I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.
What does a clock do when it gets hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
Broken pencils are pointless.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A Thesaurus.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Energizer bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
