JOKES INDEX

Question 1

Donald Trump And Barack Obama On A Train Joke

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, a spectacular looking blonde, and a frightfully awful looking fat lady were in a train carriage. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Trump has a big red slap mark on his cheek. The blonde thought, 'that rascal Trump wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.' The fat lady thought, 'that dirty old Donal Trump laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.' Donald Trump thought, 'Barack put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.' Barack Obama thought, 'I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Trump again.'

Question 2

I See You And Jesus Sees You

A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big-screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in. It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal. "I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again. When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shined it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch. "I see you and Jesus sees you. "The burglar laughed. "Just a dumb bird," he said. The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a big and mean-looking Doberman Pincher sitting beneath the parrot's perch. "Sic him, Jesus!", said the parrot.

Question 3

Acts Of God

There was a Minister whose wife was expecting a baby. The Minister went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Minister's family expanded, so would his pay check. After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Minister's pay situation. You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Minister got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an act of God!" In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up, and in his frail voice said... "Snow and Rain are also 'acts of God', but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!"

Question 4

The Best Son

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son. The first woman proudly declares, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room people call him 'Father." The second woman replies even more proudly, "My son is a bishop, when he walks into a room people call him 'My Grace." The third woman thinking she wins replies, "My son is a Cardinal! When he walks into a room people say, 'My Eminence." The fourth woman says nothing but sips her tea quietly. The three women stare at her and then ask her what is so special about her son. With a smug look on her face she replies, "My son is a 6' 5" muscular man, with a chiseled jaw and arms as big as pipes. And when he walks into a room all the woman say, 'Oh My God."

Question 5

An Engineers Bike

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Question 6

Excuse For Missing Final Exam.

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

Question 7

Snowmen Joke

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Question 8

Science Fiction

A guy went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called, "How to Master Your Wife." The salesgirl said, "Our science fiction section is upstairs."

Question 9

Clean Dishes

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "are these plates clean? "His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal". That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"? Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!" Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, Go lay down!"

Question 10

A Teacher Asks Her Students If They're Yankees Fans.

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

JOKES INDEX

Donald Trump And Barack Obama On A Train Joke

I See You And Jesus Sees You

Acts Of God

The Best Son

An Engineers Bike

Excuse For Missing Final Exam.

Snowmen Joke

Science Fiction

Clean Dishes

A Teacher Asks Her Students If They're Yankees Fans.

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