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Two Programmers And A Blonde Joke

Two programmers walked along the street. They saw a beautiful blonde not far away and one of them said, "Too bad that girls have no standard interface." "They have," replied the other programmer, "but there is no standard way to get to it."

Don't Refuse The Hospital Soup

Rick was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused. Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Rick turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for the next day's test, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and gave him an enema each time. When Rick got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his friend Steve, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your ass!

Pirate With Ship's Steering Wheel

A pirate walks in to a bar, he has the whole pirate gettup: peg leg, funky hat,the long beard, and the parrot. But he has a ship steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, but you have a ship steering wheel in your pants. "The pirate says, "Arrrggg, IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"

Sexist Joke

What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?

How Long Before I Need A Hair Cut.

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says," Your house."

How I Burnt My Ears.

John and Rick were borthers who worked at a used car dealership. One day Rick came to work with bandages on both ears. John noticed and asked, "How did you burn your ears?". Rick explained, "You see, I was ironing my Reyn Spooner when the phone rang and instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron. John, then asked, "So how did you burn your other ear?" Rick replied, "The person called back."

Skeleton Crossing

Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?

My Body Hurts Wherever I Touch It.

A young brunette goes into the doctors office and says that her body hurts whever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "show me". She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, she pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches make her scream. The doctor says, "Your not really a brunette, are you?" No, im a blonde, she says. "I though so", he says. "Your finger is broken."

A Blonde On A Diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds. "When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. ""From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping. "

Polls Vs Poles

An American and North Korean are bragging about their countries. The American says "In my country, our technology is so good that we know who will win an election two hours before the polls close!" The North Korean doesn't blink and says "Well in my country we know who will win two years before the polls close."

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