JOKES INDEX

Question 1

Pondering Thoughts

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Question 2

Girlfriend Vs. Wife Joke

What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

Question 3

2000 Flushes

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Question 4

Dated - You Might Be A Redneck If...

You might be a redneck if... you have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

Question 5

Cannibals Programmers

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees." The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

Question 6

American Expenditures

According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students.

Question 7

You Have My GUARANTEE!

The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself. He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Get lost, Mister fancy suit!" said the old man. "I haven't got any money" and he proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!" "I got a better idea" said the old man, "If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!" "Fine, sir!" said the CEO confidently. "I'll give you my clothes!" "Lemme ask you somethin', pal...Where are you goin' when you leave here?" The CEO answered very confidently: "To a VERY important conference! WHY?" "Will they let you in if yer barefoot?" said the old man. "Of course not!" said the CEO. "How much did you pay for those socks you'v got on?" asked the old man. "Fifty dollars" said the bewildered CEO. "I ain't never worn fifty dollar socks before!" said the old man. "It will be kinda hard for you to wear overalls to work, I guess!" said the old man. "WHAT?!" said the confused CEO. "And will you show how me to tie a necktie?" said the old man... One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared. A bare foot. He stepped out into the hallway - dressed only in overalls and bare feet. His expensive executive suit and tie had vanished, along with his confidence and dignity. The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO's fifty dollar socks and gleaming shoes. "Now I gotta see about payin' that electric bill..."

Question 8

Yo Momma Is So Fat She The Big...

Your mama so fat that she's the big rolling ball in the movie Indiana Jones.

Question 9

Dentis Of The Year Joke

What does the dentist of the year get?

Question 10

A Lawyer And His BMW

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!" "Oh my gaaaad...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex?

JOKES INDEX

Pondering Thoughts

Girlfriend Vs. Wife Joke

2000 Flushes

Dated - You Might Be A Redneck If...

Cannibals Programmers

American Expenditures

You Have My GUARANTEE!

Yo Momma Is So Fat She The Big...

Dentis Of The Year Joke

A Lawyer And His BMW

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