I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank Grandma!

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry... Then things get worse.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!

A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

If all else fails... lower your standards.

JOKES INDEX