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Little Johnny And The Lamppost

Little Johnny is walking home from school one day, but pauses in front of the school. He asks the dumbest girl in school, Stephanie, who always wears a dress to climb up the flagpole for $5.00. She says "Alright." She goes home that day and shows her mum the $5.00 from Little Johnny. "I got $5.00 from climbing up a flagpole!" Her mum says, "Stephanie, he just wants to see your underwear!" Stephanie says, "Oh, mum. It won't happen again." The next day, Stephanie climbs the flagpole for $20.00. She goes back home and tells her mum. Her mum says, "I TOLD you, Stephanie, He just wants to see your underwear!" Stephanie says

Two Jumper Cables Joke

Two jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says you better not start something here.

Just Mopped The Floor Joke

A police officer called the station on his radio. "I have an interesting case here. An old lady just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped." "Have you arrested the woman?" "Not yet. The floor is still wet."

How Do You Pronounce Lafayette?

A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they decided to stop for lunch. As they stood at the counter, the man said, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us. Would you very slowly pronounce where we are?" The guy behind the corner leaned over and said, "Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing"

Secure Job Joke

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

Timing Is Everything Joke

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

My Computer Joke

My computer doesn't understand me!

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

I'm Not An Alcoholic

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Grandma Can't Say No

Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank Grandma!

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