JOKES INDEX

Joke: I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license.

Joke: A Roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, "five beers, please."

Joke: Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."

Joke: Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Joke: Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked... She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Joke: The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

Joke: A man at the gas station asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. So, I gave him my electric bill.

Joke: A businessman in the first-class cabin decided to chat up the drop-dead, gorgeous flight attendant: "What is your name?" Flight Attendant: "Angela Benz, sir" Businessman: "Lovely name ... Any relation to Mercedes Benz?" Flight Attendant: "Yes sir, very close" Businessman: "How close?" Flight Attendant: "Same price."

Joke: My wife said I ruined her birthday! That's ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her Birthday?

Joke: If I shook your family tree, how many nuts would fall out?