The Joke of the Day jokes are hand selected by the staff at Fart.com and featured for your enjoyment.  We only select the best jokes so you don't have to waist time sorting through thousands of classic jokes.

The reason you can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom is because the pee is silent.

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At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

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The other day I went to see a psychic. When I knocked on the door she shouted, "Who's there?" So I left.

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An American and North Korean are bragging about their countries. The American says "In my country, our technology is so good that we know who will win an election two hours before the polls close!" The North Korean doesn't blink and says "Well in my country we know who will win two years before the polls close."

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It's important to look carefully at lawn signs during an election. Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

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Two, not very bright, pilots come in for a landing when the pilot has to slam on the brakes. Captain Bill looks over at Roger the co-pilot and says, "Damn that is the shortest runway we have ever landed on!" Roger takes a long look left, then a long look right and replies, "Yeah but look how wide it is!"

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Broken pencils are pointless.

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A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Lance is a common name these days, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.

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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

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