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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Bought the wife a hamster fur coat for her birthday, she was delighted with it. We went to the fair; took me 4 hours to get her off the big wheel!
I just called my bank and told them that they counted wrong so I want to find $11,780 in my account by tomorrow!
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About 35 pounds.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
A man goes to the Optician for his eye test. The Optician asks him what he can see. "I see empty airports, empty football stadiums, closed theaters, and closed pubs." "That's perfect," says the Optician. "You've got 2020 vision!"
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new years but no one likes a quitter, so here is my New Years resolution. 1080p!
Yo Momma is so dumb everytime she hears a car horn she yells "Happy New Year!"