The Joke of the Day jokes are hand selected by the staff at Fart.com and featured for your enjoyment. We only select the best jokes so you don't have to waist time sorting through thousands of classic jokes.
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
Because he had a bad summer.
"I'm feeling so ashamed of the way we live," a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. "My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought us a car. I'm feeling so ashamed." The husband raised his head and replied, "Well, you should feel ashamed. Those three worthless brothers of yours never even give us a cent!"
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be called bagels!
Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees." The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
Mummy, mummy. There's a man at the door with a bill.
Don't be silly dear, it's probably just a duck with a hat on.
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."