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I never really believed in Santa, always was a rebel without a claus.
Where does Santa go after Christmas to relax?
Santa got stuck in a chimney a few years back? Now he gets Claustrophobia.
A duck a skunk and a deer when out to dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the ducks bill.
Did you hear Christmas has been canceled? Apparently, Santa is in jail. He was caught last year laying a doll under a tree.
What do Christmas and crabs have in common?
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
I pretended to fall asleep and I fell asleep. Now, I'm going to pretend to be skinny.
So Cara went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Cara what she would like to say about Kevin. Cara replied, "You just put 'Kevin died.' " The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Kevin died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Kevin. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Cara pondered for a few minutes! and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Kevin died. Boat for sale.' "