What do you do if you get shipwrecked in the middle of the Ocean?
You just take a bar of soap, and wash yourself ASHORE. :)
Mike and his pal Tim were on a short visit to Mike's grandma. While Mike was in the kitchen chatting with her, Tim was in the living room - watching TV. Then he noticed a plate of peanuts on the coffee table. He took it and started snacking on peanuts. After a few minutes, Mike finished his chat with grandma and the boys started to leave. At the door, Tim shouted to her, but she still is in the kitchen, "Ma'am!, I ate some of the peanuts you had on the table. Thank you!". "Ooh!", granma replied joyfully. "I'm glad someone ate them. Because, since I lost all my teeth, I could not eat them anymore..All I could do is suck all the chocolate off of them!"
Do you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions?
He only took tips.
Why is Z the best letter in the alphabet?
Because the rest of the letter are not Z's!
What's the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser?
Why do illegal immigrants like climate change?
Because it gets rid of I.C.E!
Two little people walk into a mini bar...
Two conspiracy theorist walk into a bar... Or do they.
Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.
What is a pirates favorite letter?
You would think it was "R" but they get lost a "C".