2 atoms were walking down the street. One said to the other; "I just lost an electron!"..-"Are you sure?" asked the other. "Yes!. I`m POSITIVE!".

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My doctor told me he`ll have me walking in 7 days...

And he did. I had to sell my car to pay his bill.

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A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of 3. He said uno, dos, and poof he disappeared without a tres!

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Why does a fart smell?

So that even the deaf can enjoy it!

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The only art coming out of you is in a fart!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Fur-arris!

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What did the dog say to the tree?

Bark!

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What do you call a cat caught by the police?

A purr-petrator!

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Why do male dogs float in water?

Because they are good buoys!

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What's a snake favorite school subject?

Hiss-tory!

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