I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.

Why can't ticks keep a secret?

Everyone knows a Tic Toks.

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish creatures.

My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!

Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!

Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?

Because it didn't habanero!

Why can't a mountain get stronger?

Because it's fitness level has peaked.

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