A mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened?", she asks anxiously. "What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home, and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife, with a guy in our bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "I told you there must be a simple explanation... she didn't get the email."
I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.
Do not correct a fool or he will hate you. Correct a wise man and he will appreciate you.
Two mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says, "I'm kind of scared out here." The other replies, "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"
How many bites of the forbidden fruit did Adam and Eve take?
Four. Because it is the four-bitten fruit!
Two Irishmen were hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, Why are you throwing them away?" "Because, they're upside down", says Paddy. "You daft twat!", replies Murphy, "Save'em for the ceiling!"
Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
A 72-year-old man had one hobby - he loved to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his shirt pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog, and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.' With age - comes wisdom!
Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.
