Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?" The other one says, "Well, I'm a big metal fan."
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?" She kicked me out and said, "The men I please are none of your business!"
I once met a Korean martial artist who was giving away free chocolate bars. I asked him if I could take two. He said “No! You can Taekwondo.”
My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!
Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.
Man to the ticket agent at the airport: "I'd like this bag to go to Cleveland and this bag to Tulsa. Ticket Agent: "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that. "Man to the ticket agent. "Why not, you did it last time?"
Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.
I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
