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My wife and I were really happy for 22 years... Then we started dating.
If you advertise used grapes... Is that raisin awareness?
What does it take to get a PhD in Dad Jokes?
A Parentheses!
Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
It's always 90 degrees.
What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Why were the two science books holding hands?
They had chemistry.
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.
Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?
Because he needed tweatment!
What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quicker.
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
