Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.
I hired a handy man and gave home a list of jobs to do. When I got home, only #1, #3 and #5 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
The cashier told me, "Strip down facing me". By the time I realized they meant the debit card, it was too late.
I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.
Why was the old woman forced to live in a shoe?
Because her ex-husband was a loafer.
What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?
A fire quacker.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
