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Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.
I hired a handy man and gave home a list of jobs to do. When I got home, only #1, #3 and #5 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
If you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
The cashier told me, "Strip down facing me". By the time I realized they meant the debit card, it was too late.
I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.
Why was the old woman forced to live in a shoe?
Because her ex-husband was a loafer.
What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?
A fire quacker.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
