Did you hear about the kidnapping at the School?
It was no big deal, he woke up.
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything ok, pal? the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she isn't talking to me for a month!" Trying to put a positive spin on things the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?" The guy replies, "Yeah, but today is the last day!"
My friend has a trophy wife... Apparently, he didn't get first place.
I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles accidentally... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
What part of a museum has the most allergies?
The stachoooo!
What does it take to be an organ donor?
Guts!
Someone called my phone today, sneezed, and then hung up.
I’m really getting sick of all these cold calls.
Why did the thief wear blue gloves?
He didn't want to get caught red-handed
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
Into a SHELL-ter.
What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A-shoe!
