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I have a friend that's a little nuts. He thinks he is a chicken sometimes. I probably wouldn't hang around with him much but I can use the eggs.
Honk if you love Jesus... text if you want to meet him!
So somewhere out in space two alien life forms are talking with each other. The first one says "The dominant life forms on the planet earth have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons "The second one asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien replies, " I don't think so. they have them aimed at themselves!".
The reason you can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom is because the pee is silent.
if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.
I was time traveling yesterday but I got hungry, so I went back four seconds.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.
If you don't know what this is don't ever join the Army. You don't even know an ambush when you see one.
A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
I used to have a job cleaning mirrors but I couldn't see myself doing it for a living.
