A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

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When chemists die, they barium.

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What is a pirates favorite fast food place?

ARRRRRRRRRRBYYYYYYYYYYS.

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I'm on the tequila diet. So far I've lost 2 days.

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Laundry: Washing - 30 minutes, drying - 60 minutes, putting away - 7 to 10 business days.

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Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it "Selective Participation".

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Someone asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon.

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A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

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