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A note from my wife. "Hey Sweetie, I'm at work. Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already turned on. Love you XOXO!
I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.
Where do football players go to get a new uniform?
New Jersey.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!
Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.
What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?
Because he was married.
My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.
