USER JOKES INDEX

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don’t know, some dumb woman asking if the coast is clear."

I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me, so I gave up thinking.

My whole life I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair... Somehow, I just knew.

I'm terrified of skipping ropes, bungees and trampolines....They make me jump.

Me & my mates were at an Indian restaurant & some guys started throwing rice at us. So we threw rice back at them....We had a pilau fight.

Why couldn't the young scallywag watch the newest Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

I left my ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.....I wonder what she's up to now?

She said she missed me. Normally, that would be good... But she's reloading.