Puns Page 2 of 3 Fart.com

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Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggie.

Road Worker Stealing Pun

I never really wanted to believe that my friend, a road worker, was stealing from his job but when I went to his house there they were. I should have known, all the signs were right there.

Puns — Road Worker Stealing Pun Joke Meme.

A Native American Psychiatrist Pun

A Native American goes to see his psychiatrist about the dreams he is having. After describing that one is about teepees and the other is about wigwams the psychiatrist tells him he knows what the problem is and tells him "you must be two tents".

One Halloween Night....

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? It turns out he couldn't see that well.

Puns — Guy Fell Into A Well Joke Joke Meme

Left My Girlfriend Joke

I left my ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.....I wonder what she's up to now?

Throwing Rice Pun

Me & my mates were at an Indian restaurant & some guys started throwing rice at us. So we threw rice back at them....We had a pilau fight.

Well Rounded Church

There was a congregation that decided to have four worship services each Sunday. There was one for those new to the faith. Another for those who liked traditional worship. One for those who had lost their faith and would like to get it back. And another for those who had a bad experience with church and were complaining about it. They have names for each of the services: "Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers."

Puns — Well Rounded Church Joke Meme

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

No Pun

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.

No Vacation This Year.

I just told my suitcase that we're not going on vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Sick Ant Joke

Why don't ants get sick?

Butter Rumor

Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Stegosauruses Joke

Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

Farmer Bury Money Joke

Why did the farmer bury his money?

Buddy Farts

So my buddy always looks at me when he farts. I think it's just inflatuation.

Cow Toe Joke

Why do cows have hooves?

Hollywood Movie Joke

Hollywood has been making a movie about constipation for years but they aren't sure if it will ever come out.

Megabyte Pun

My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

Flamingo Pun

My friend keeps telling me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I guess I'm just going to have to put my foot down.

National Hot Dog Day Joke - Buddhist Pun

A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Three Moles Pun

Three moles had been burrowing underground when the first one says "did you smell something sweet, it smelled like candy?' The second one said he smelled something sweet but it was more like honey. The one at the back of the line told them "I smelled something but it didn't smell sweet, it smelled like mole asses!"

Irish Furniture Pun

Who is Irish and sits outside all day?

Internship Pun

What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor?

Hungary Clock Pun

What does a clock do when it gets hungry?

Song Composer Pun

My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

The Nervous Squirrel

Where do squirrels go when they have nervous breakdowns?

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Milkless Cow

If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an utter failure?

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Teddy Bear Dessert

Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?

Football Player Who Likes Dad Jokes

What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?

Tortilla Factory Joke

Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!

Balloon Music Joke

What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Cold Painter Joke

What does the painter do when he gets cold?

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Bear Paw Pun

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The bear says "I'll have a rum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, " What can I say, I was born with 'em."

Horse Injury Pun

A horse got hurt but he is doing fine and in fact, he is back in stable condition.

Communism Pun

I never really thought communism would work. Way to many red flags.

Clock Pun

6:30 is hands down the best time on any clock.

Chemist Pun

When chemists die, they barium.

Beard Pun

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Communist Joke

I prefer communist jokes because everyone gets them.

Unemployment Joke

I have a lot of unemployment jokes but none of them work.

Karate Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Almond Diet

I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Broken Hinges Joke

If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges... My door is always open.

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Haunted House Joke

What is the safest room in a haunted house?

Pig's Secret Message

How do pigs send secret messages?

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

Taking A Pole Joke

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.

Fart Sword Joke

I asked my wife if she was going to make a sword out of my fart in bed last night. Cuz she schmelt it!

Hungry Lion Joke

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Good Years

I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.

Pie Rate Joke.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs $2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs $2.40. A chicken pie in St. Kitts cost $2.25... These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

Guitar Pun

A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."

Stop Shredded Cheese, Make America Grate Again!

Stop shredded cheese, make America grate again!

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...Sinko de Mayo.

Dentist And Golfer Joke

What did the dentist say to the golfer?

Paper Towel Searcher Joke

What do you call someone who searches for paper towels?

Two Flames Fall In Love Joke

What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?

Fartartist

I'm a fart-artist. The fart is silent

Broken Finger

I broke my finger last week. . .

Cheers To Bread

To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.

My Poem

I'd share my poem about the wind....but it's only a draft.

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Why is water heavier than butane?

Orchestra Got Electrocuted Joke

Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?

Baby Corn Joke

What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Hold A Fart Joke

Farts I hold in! You might not get it. It's sort of an inside joke.

Tickle Me Elmo

What did they give Tickle-Me-Elmo before he left the factory?

Seafood Joke

Huge fight at seafood restaurant. Battered fish everywhere!

Termite Joke

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Vegan Pun

This girl said she recognized me from some vegan restaurant but I knew I'd never met herbivore.

Holy Water Pun

How do you make holy water?

Glasses And Mask Joke

If you have to wear both mask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.

Cow Farts

What does a cow's fart smell like?

U.S. Coin Shortage

Did you hear that there is a coin shortage?

Eat Homework Joke

Why did the student eat his homework?

Church Fart Pun

He who farts In church, sits In his own pew.

Energizer Bunny Pun

Energizer bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

Penguin House

How does a penguin build its house?

I Switched All The Labels On My Wife's Spice Rack...

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack... I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Twins Favorite Fruit

What are twins favorite fruit?

Pig Letters

What do you call pigs that write each other?

Skipping Rope Pun

I'm terrified of skipping ropes, bungees and trampolines....They make me jump.

Why Did The Pencil Cross The Road?

Why did the pencil cross the road?

Santa R&R Pun

Where does Santa go after Christmas to relax?

German Sausage Pun

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

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