233 PUNS

Question 1

Steaks In A Bar Pun

A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump up and slap a piece of meat you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar. So the bartender asks him if he wants to go for it. The guy tells him, "I can't, the steaks are just too high."

Question 2

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggie.

Question 3

Road Worker Stealing Pun

I never really wanted to believe that my friend, a road worker, was stealing from his job but when I went to his house there they were. I should have known, all the signs were right there.

Question 4

A Native American Psychiatrist Pun

A Native American goes to see his psychiatrist about the dreams he is having. After describing that one is about teepees and the other is about wigwams the psychiatrist tells him he knows what the problem is and tells him "you must be two tents".

Question 5

One Halloween Night....

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!

Question 6

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? It turns out he couldn't see that well.

Question 7

Farmer Bury Money Joke

Why did the farmer bury his money?

Question 8

Left My Girlfriend Joke

I left my ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.....I wonder what she's up to now?

Question 9

Throwing Rice Pun

Me & my mates were at an Indian restaurant & some guys started throwing rice at us. So we threw rice back at them....We had a pilau fight.

VOTE

Question 10

Buddy Farts

So my buddy always looks at me when he farts. I think it's just inflatuation.

Question 11

Well Rounded Church

There was a congregation that decided to have four worship services each Sunday. There was one for those new to the faith. Another for those who liked traditional worship. One for those who had lost their faith and would like to get it back. And another for those who had a bad experience with church and were complaining about it. They have names for each of the services: "Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers."

Question 12

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

Question 13

No Pun

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Question 14

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

Question 15

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.

Question 16

Irish Furniture Pun

Who is Irish and sits outside all day?

Question 17

No Vacation This Year.

I just told my suitcase that we're not going on vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Question 18

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Question 19

Butter Rumor

Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?

Question 20

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Question 21

Football Player Who Likes Dad Jokes

What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?

Question 22

Stegosauruses Joke

Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

Question 23

Cow Toe Joke

Why do cows have hooves?

Question 24

Hollywood Movie Joke

Hollywood has been making a movie about constipation for years but they aren't sure if it will ever come out.

Question 25

Megabyte Pun

My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

Question 26

Flamingo Pun

My friend keeps telling me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I guess I'm just going to have to put my foot down.

Question 27

National Hot Dog Day Joke - Buddhist Pun

A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Question 28

Three Moles Pun

Three moles had been burrowing underground when the first one says "did you smell something sweet, it smelled like candy?' The second one said he smelled something sweet but it was more like honey. The one at the back of the line told them "I smelled something but it didn't smell sweet, it smelled like mole asses!"

Question 29

Hungary Clock Pun

What does a clock do when it gets hungry?

Question 30

Song Composer Pun

My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Question 31

The Nervous Squirrel

Where do squirrels go when they have nervous breakdowns?

Question 32

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Question 33

Milkless Cow

If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an utter failure?

Question 34

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Question 35

Teddy Bear Dessert

Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?

Question 36

Tortilla Factory Joke

Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?

Question 37

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.

Question 38

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!

Question 39

Balloon Music Joke

What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Question 40

Cold Painter Joke

What does the painter do when he gets cold?

Question 41

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Question 42

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Question 43

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Question 44

Termite Joke

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Question 45

Bear Paw Pun

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The bear says "I'll have a rum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, " What can I say, I was born with 'em."

Question 46

Horse Injury Pun

A horse got hurt but he is doing fine and in fact, he is back in stable condition.

Question 47

Communism Pun

I never really thought communism would work. Way to many red flags.

Question 48

Clock Pun

6:30 is hands down the best time on any clock.

Question 49

Internship Pun

What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor?

Question 50

Chemist Pun

When chemists die, they barium.

Question 51

Beard Pun

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Question 52

Communist Joke

I prefer communist jokes because everyone gets them.

Question 53

Unemployment Joke

I have a lot of unemployment jokes but none of them work.

Question 54

Karate Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Question 55

Almond Diet

I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Question 56

Broken Hinges Joke

If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges... My door is always open.

Question 57

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Question 58

Haunted House Joke

What is the safest room in a haunted house?

Question 59

Pig's Secret Message

How do pigs send secret messages?

Question 60

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

Question 61

Taking A Pole Joke

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Question 62

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Question 63

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.

Question 64

Fart Sword Joke

I asked my wife if she was going to make a sword out of my fart in bed last night. Cuz she schmelt it!

233 PUNS

Steaks In A Bar Pun

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Road Worker Stealing Pun

A Native American Psychiatrist Pun

One Halloween Night....

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Farmer Bury Money Joke

Left My Girlfriend Joke

Throwing Rice Pun

Buddy Farts

Well Rounded Church

Florist Joke

No Pun

Refusing To Nap Joke

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Irish Furniture Pun

No Vacation This Year.

Athens Sunrise Pun

Butter Rumor

Elements Joke

Football Player Who Likes Dad Jokes

Stegosauruses Joke

Cow Toe Joke

Hollywood Movie Joke

Megabyte Pun

Flamingo Pun

National Hot Dog Day Joke - Buddhist Pun

Three Moles Pun

Hungary Clock Pun

Song Composer Pun

The Nervous Squirrel

Electrical Work Pun

Milkless Cow

Going Deaf Joke

Teddy Bear Dessert

Tortilla Factory Joke

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

Balloon Music Joke

Cold Painter Joke

Air Freshener Pun

Lego Joke

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

Termite Joke

Bear Paw Pun

Horse Injury Pun

Communism Pun

Clock Pun

Internship Pun

Chemist Pun

Beard Pun

Communist Joke

Unemployment Joke

Karate Pig Joke

Almond Diet

Broken Hinges Joke

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Haunted House Joke

Pig's Secret Message

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

Taking A Pole Joke

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Fart Sword Joke

Hungry Lion Joke

Good Years

Guitar Pun

Stop Shredded Cheese, Make America Grate Again!

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Dentist And Golfer Joke

Paper Towel Searcher Joke

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Two Flames Fall In Love Joke

Pie Rate Joke.

Cheers To Bread

My Poem

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Orchestra Got Electrocuted Joke

Baby Corn Joke