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Human Intelligence

So somewhere out in space two alien life forms are talking with each other. The first one says "The dominant life forms on the planet earth have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons "The second one asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien replies, " I don't think so. they have them aimed at themselves!".

Don't Text And Drive

Honk if you love Jesus... text if you want to meet him!

Thinks He's A Chicken Joke

I have a friend that's a little nuts. He thinks he is a chicken sometimes. I probably wouldn't hang around with him much but I can use the eggs.

Pet Store Pun

The local pet store is having a free giveaway on birds today...no perches necessary.

Brain Transplant Pun

I was going to get a brain transplant...then I changed my mind.

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

I would never open a restaurant on the moon....no atmosphere.

Lenin Tomb Pun

Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.

Bowl Of Pretzels Pun

This guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're really good looking." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels and orders a beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a beer, great choice." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" the bartender replies "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

Emergency Room Pun

A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.

Steaks In A Bar Pun

A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump up and slap a piece of meat you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar. So the bartender asks him if he wants to go for it. The guy tells him, "I can't, the steaks are just too high."

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