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Smell So Good

Every day, Joe walks up very close to a female co-worker standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any more, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Joe, the midget."

Grandma's Shrimp

One day little Donny went screaming to his mom, "Mommy! Mommy! Theres a shrimp stuck between grandma's legs!" His mother, intrigued by this, brought Donny to grandma, who was sleeping on the bed with her legs apart. The mother looked and laughed and said, "Why, that's not a shrimp! That's her privates, a vagina!" Donny smiled and said, "Really? It sure tastes like shrimp"

Self Service

A man into a whorehouse. Once in the room with the prostitute, he puts $50 on the table and drops his pants. The hooker almost faints; the guy has an 18-inch cock. She says, "Hold on pal, I'll lick it, I'll suck it, but you're not sticking that in me." The man pulls up his pants, picks up his $50, and says, "Screw that, I can do that myself!"

Feeling So Ashamed

"I'm feeling so ashamed of the way we live," a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. "My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought us a car. I'm feeling so ashamed." The husband raised his head and replied, "Well, you should feel ashamed. Those three worthless brothers of yours never even give us a cent!"

Redneck Condoms Joke

A young redneck goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them thar rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a' mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?

Lover / Friend

"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends," the girl told her Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."

Stand Under

Y'know - just when I think I've finally figured out women, I wake up!

Eye Spy

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane... The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?" The excited young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure... So what is it?" "Your eyes!"

Expensive Divorce

Why is divorce so expensive?

Country Politics

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

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