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A Limerick From Me To You

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Yo momma is ugly, And she looks just like you.

Sleeping With Pigs

I heard some guys talking about you yesterday. One said that you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stuck up for you; I said you were!

Self Made Man Joke

A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, 'Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?' The kid says, 'Daddy told me you were a self-made man.' The man replies, 'I am'. The kid responds, 'Well, why did you make yourself like that?'

Perfect Halloween Costume

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

As Stupid As You Look Joke

You are not as stupid as you look. That would be impossible.

Revenge From The Grave!

Tommy was dying. His wife was with him, standing next to his bed. As he was drawing his last few breaths, he gasped, "Helen, I have one last request." "Of course, Tommy, what is it?" Helen asked softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Louis." "But I thought you hated Louis," said Helen. With his final breath, Tommy said, "I do."

Who's There?

Knock Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita really warm place to sleep tonight, it's cold out here.

Knock, Knock It's Dwayne

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub mommy, I'm dwowning.

Madam

Knock Knock Who's there? Madam Madam who?

Knock Knock Hatch Joke

Knock Knock? who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you.

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